Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
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