Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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