It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
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but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
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but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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