Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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