i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
