I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
