i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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