I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You are the jesus of drinking
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
