Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
