awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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