there's paper in my vomit.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
