who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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