my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
