Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
