If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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