Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
