It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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