i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
