My cat gives me a boner
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
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I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
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So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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