So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
