A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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