I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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