Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
