Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Pooping to opera.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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