mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
