It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
