The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
