then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
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the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
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let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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