Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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