how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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