And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
