weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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