It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
