Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
