you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
