just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
