I will die if light touches me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
