I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
