as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
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I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
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I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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