do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We got so high we made milksteak
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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