I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
