Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
