Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
