puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
