Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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