some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
