I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
