Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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