kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
