WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
