no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
