I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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