I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck