I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016