I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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