im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
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just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
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Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave