Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
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How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
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If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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