This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
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It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
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I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You ruined the universe
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