do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
