I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
