I'm lost and stupid without you.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
