What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
